Well, I started and stopped the diet since my last entry. I was all gung-ho to lose that last 8 lbs. I lost 4 of it and then realized that starving myself was not doing my mental health any good…so I quit the diet. I figure if I can’t lose 4 lbs like a normal human being, then my metabolism really is dead and there’s just no point to any dieting at all. I might as well walk around with a cheeseburger in my hand at all times (mmm…cheeseburger….). Instead, I’m going to return to my low-carb ways, eating mostly protein and veggies, until I stabilize and I maintain this weight (or lost that 4 lbs) at least until the end of the year. I really don’t miss pasta as much as I thought I would. I miss rice some, and I miss bread often because I’m such a panini freak, but I can live MOST of the time without those things if I continue to feel as good as I have. I have definitely found my fat trigger, and it’s carbohydrates. It will be interesting to see how I do during the holidays with all the mashed potatoes and stuffing. I think, now that I know what my body runs best on, I can eat to satisfaction and then if I gain a few pounds, just go hard and heavy on the high protein, no carbs, even for just a week and probably get back to my set point.
Anyway…I see also that this blog is largely ignored and I honestly believe it’s because my weight was causing me angst about everything else in my life…and now that it’s no longer a problem, I don’t feel such a need to publicly purge. A “friend” sent me kind of a nasty message last night, asking why I aired all my private dieting stuff on Facebook for the world to see. I told her if she didn’t like it, she could block or unfriend me. What I really have done in this year of turning 40 is decided that I have no desire to deal with people’s judgment. If you don’t like me or how I behave, you know where the door is. I try so hard not to be judgmental, and am pretty successful at keeping my judgments to myself – who am I to tell someone how to live their lives? I’m certainly no prime example of How to Be. But damn – why can’t people take it back a notch? Why does anyone feel they have the right to tell me how to act or not act? I won’t tolerate that. For all my quiet living, I hardly deserve judgment about posting details about my diet! I have no wacked out vices, I pay all my bills, I don’t drink too much and I try to keep to myself. I won’t put up with anyone making me feel less-than; I said it before just about men, but I’m extending that to everyone around me now. I will not tolerate someone making me feel bad because I don’t fit the form they’re trying to push me through.
Woah. Guess I needed a purge after all.