Toxic Co-workers

I had a pretty crappy day at work.  I ended up having to come home because I just couldn’t get my head together.  I’m very lucky to have a boss who is so understanding of my emotional travails.  What set me off was a co-worker who, while dripping honey from her mouth, I think may be trying to railroad me and make me redundant.

In the space of a one hour meeting, she not only relegated me to admin status (“Oh, Jaime – you know who to call in Document Administration – you can help, right?”) but also began to undermine a project of mine that I have perfected over the last three years (“I just never know who to call in Washington, <provider service representative>, but now I can call you!”).  It’s all so very difficult to explain while keeping everything basically anonymous, but suffice to say that with one side of her mouth she extols my virtues to our boss, and with the other side tries to make me unnecessary.  Never in my twelve years in the department have I felt so useless and demeaned (and I’ve been demoted/re-org’d, so I know from useless and demeaned)…and in front of network execs!  People whose trust I have worked hard to earn over the last three years…I feel as if they will no longer come to me with the issues that keep me working all day long. 

I’ve worked with people I don’t particularly like.  Or who are just stupid.  But I’ve never had to work with a vile snake like this woman.  She is an ass-kisser, which is hard enough to watch on a daily basis (earlier this week, she brought flowers to our boss), but she is a user who is looking out only for herself.  I had to be very honest with my boss today – I don’t trust this woman, she values my opinion only when it serves her, and I don’t think she is interested in administering our contract but instead looks for short-cuts.  When the shit hits the fan, I’m not going to take the fall for her. 

What I have done, though, is allow her to make me feel less-than.  That’s on me.  People don’t treat you badly unless you allow them to do so.  And I think my boss agrees with that…she has asked me to take a week or so to really think about how I feel and then to have a face-to-face conversation with this woman to tell her how her actions and words have hurt me.  Normally, I push that down.  Normally, I just deal with it and wait for it to go away.  But looking down the barrel at 40?  I think I have to step up and do it.  I think if I’m going to continue to grow as a human being and as a strong woman, the discomfort that comes with the confrontation has to take second-stage to being seen as valuable.  I know at this point in my life, I wouldn’t let a man treat me this way.  Why should a co-worker be any different?